Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
