Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
