my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Randomize
