I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
