She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
