Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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