Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
