If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish i was in the wii world.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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