just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
