Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
