After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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