he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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