How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
