Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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