Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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