Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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