I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
