you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
