Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
