ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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