When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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