I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
