The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
