Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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