I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
