she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
