I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.