were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer