My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.