It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
