and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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