so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
