Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize