mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
