I wanna passion pit in your ass
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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