Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
