What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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