The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
zippers are such a cool invention
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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