An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
