i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
