It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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