she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my poor anus
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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