i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
