haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
