but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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