I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
