He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
