The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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