I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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