if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
