Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
