I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have tasted many bathrooms
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
