i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
