Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
