So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
