I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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