I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
