Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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