She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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