dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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