my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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