You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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