Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
