There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I smell like Dick and happiness
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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